Music jokes from Alive Network

A small selection of music related jokes picked by the Alive Network team.......

Q/ What do you call a drummer with half a brain?
A/ Gifted.

Q/ What does a drummer use for contraception?
A/ His personality.

Q/ What's the difference between a drum machine and a drummer?
A/ You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once.

Q/ What do you tell a drummer with two black eyes?
A/ Nothing - you've already told him twice!

Q/ What do you call a guy who hangs around with bunch of musicians?
A/ A drummer.

Q/ How do you know when a drum riser is level?
A/ The drool comes out of both sides of the drummers mouth.

Q/ How do you know when a drummer is knocking on your door?
A/ They don't know when to come in.

Q/ What do you call a drummer that breaks up with his girlfriend?
A/ Homeless.

Q/ What would you call the smartest drummer in the world?
A/ Mildly retarded.

Q/ What's the difference between a drummer and a sack of s**t?
A/ The sack.

Q: What does new age music sound like played backwards?
A: New age music.

Q: What's black and brown and looks good on a music journalist?
A: A Doberman.

Q: What would Jerry Garcia be doing, if he were alive today?
A: Clawing at the lid of his coffin.

Q: What was the last thing to go through Kurt Cobain's mind?
A: His teeth.

Q: What's the difference between a soundman and God?
A: God doesn't think he's a soundman.

Q: Why do deadheads swirl their arms when they dance?
A: To keep the music out of their eyes.

Q/ How many lead singers does it take to change a light bulb?
A/ Only one, they hold it and the world revolves around them.

A drummer decides one day he'd like to become a real musician.
Tired of being tucked away at the back of the stage missing out on the limelight, he decides to sell his drum kit and buy an electric guitar and amplifier. He puts an advert in his local newpaper and sure enough, finds a buyer the very next day. With a pocket full of cash, he sets off for his local shop. As he leans over the shop counter grinning from ear to ear with anticipation of the respect he is sure now to gain, he says to the shop keeper in a confident voice, "I'd like your loudest electric guitar and amplifier please." The shop keeper looks puzzles and asks, "You're a drummer aren't you?" "How did you know?" asks the drummer, checking himself for tell-tale drool. To which the shop keeper replies, "This is a chip shop!"